I guess it's been, what...? 4 years? I'm not sure I realized that until just now.
Ha. Not too bad. Not too bad at all.
Well, I guess I've gotta just come out with it.
Because it's been on my mind for quite some time...pushing at me...and weighing me down.
Months, in fact. And, I'm sure those devoted (if you're out there) maybe knew that somehow.
It's time for a break.
Let me explain...
When I started here, I was devoted. focused. excited.
And as much as I don't want to admit it. right now, I'm not.
When I had Ross and Gram, I was devoted. focused. excited.
And as much as I don't want to admit it. right now, I'm not.
My time of trying to truly and whole-heartedly focus here...then there...then here...then there...
isn't working the way I had planned.
I can see that right now I'm just not at my best here and there.
I've got to choose...and to be blunt...
I'll always choose there.
I love it here. Please don't get me wrong.
But, I know I can come back to- here...
Surely you can understand, I'll never have Gram's silly, baby car noise stage again...or Ross's dramatic princess stage again...
The point is, I don't want to look back at this time...this time that is, as we all know, gone in a flash, and regret what (I know in my heart) I should have been doing.
And, right now. there's no doubt. I would.
I told you it's been on my mind for months now...right down in the pit of my stomach...where I've been ignoring it.
And of course, God knew all along.
(You'd think I'd learn. Because this isn't the first time I've been stubborn.)
But, when our computer suddenly crashed last week and destroyed everything...all my precious memories... I finally woke up.
It's time for a break.
Some time to regroup. to focus on the important stuff. and come back strong.
I wish I could tell you how long, but I really don't know. When it feels right again, I guess.
But because He also gave me this desire...to do this to begin with...I know I'll still be at it...changin' and fixin' and redoin' for a long time to come...and I'll need a small outlet somewhere...
so here I am, and here I'll stay...
until the next post...
click. and follow.